I Don't Watch Too Little TV, I Watch The Best TV. There's Difference...

If I stood up and announced that I was planning on selling my shins for medical research, I'd probably not get a strange look. Instead, people would probably point out that without shins, I should now be called Tony (toe-knee, get it? I'm here all week, try the beef). If I decided that I would now sell all my worldly possessions, set up in a tent and wear nothing but shoes on my ears, I'd barely get so much as a raised eye-brow. Even if I went so far as to declare that I will dive into the sea with a Great White Shark because I thought he wanted a hug, then you'd probably come up with a reason or two to agree with me. However if I tell people that at most I watch probably two or three hours of TV a week, they stand there gawping at me, their jaw sitting on the pavement three feet away from them, while they wonder if I've injected an extra strong dose of stupid. I might as well have said that 1+1= a jam sandwich, the reaction would probably have been better. But, honestly, I watch so little television simply because I am too busy doing other things, like working, studying and maybe using the screen to work my Xbox. If I do watch it, it's normally to watch one of the endless Top Gear re-runs on Dave, new Top Gear when it comes on, and sometimes Come Dine With Me.

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Yes, You Are Very Boring Indeed. No, Money Will Not Change That.

As much as I enjoy watching explosions and stuff, I'm really quite boring in real life. I know, right? I mean, so far the most interesting things I've done all day, apart from write two and a half sentences, is a trip and back from the train station and make porridge, so I'm not exactly expecting MTV to turn up on my door, wanting to film my crazy antics as I make lunch, have a cup of tea and put the washing on (living the dream, people, living the dream). I don't mind this, though, because if you're honest, you're just as boring as well. As much as you'd like to think that a review of your normal day would make you look like that guy at the party who's greeting the cool people while necking another shot, I bet it would actually make you look like the guy who wears his t-shirt tucked into his trousers, and asks everyone to use a coaster. Occasionally you'll use reason and common sense to get you through the day, which explains why your breakfast isn't a bowl of vodka-flavoured heroin chased down with a cup of nails. Whatever Reality TV tells you about the life of whoever they've decided to stalk for that week, Peter Andre mostly, they will still do boring things like fill in a tax return instead of burning it, do the washing up instead of burning it, and many other essential yet non fire-related tasks. They change their baby's nappy on a mat, instead of during a parachute jump (regardless of how much of an awesome anecdote that will be at school). In conclusion, there's nothing as mind-numbingly dull and uninteresting as the lives of ordinary people, especially if they're neither rich nor famous.

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The future moves very fast. Maybe a bit too fast?

Sometimes, I imagine what would happen if I travelled back in time by forty years or so. I do this occasionally, and wonder what I could do. Sometimes, I'd imagine I would find my parents and give them a list of every massive company to invest in and when, and how I'd convince them I was serious and not just an escaped lunatic. I then try and imagine quite how I'd explain how my phone works to someone who has only just seen the emergence of holograms, or how a fancy touchscreen works when the most advanced thing they own are flared trousers and a moustache. They'd not get where the curly wire was hidden, what an Internet was and if having something called a "face-book" app meant I was a stalker. Then, they'd rip the thing to pieces wondering where you put in the film for the camera. To say they'd be confused and scared is an understatement; this is a generation that thought Jim Davidson was funny and that colour TV was showing off. How confused would they be? Well, what would you say if someone turned up with , say, an iJumper that changed colour depending on your mood, or thickness depending on prevailing weather conditions? It'd blow your tiny mind, wouldn't it? What about an iPen that doubled up as nail clippers, or allowed you to turn the volume down on the TV? Think that's a silly use for a pen? Well, I bet Mr 1972 thought that a thesaurus, piano and a torch would be pointless on a telephone, but mine has all three, and more!

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