I went to this networking meeting, and all I got was this lousy sales pitch!

So I'm in the shower, right, and the phone rings. A friend of mine is awaiting confirmation of a new fantastic job and wants to tell me when they get it. Another friend, who has been entered into the Guinness Book Of Records for speaking drivel for years on end, was also due to call me soon. So I hop out, grab a towel and charge to the phone. When I pick up with an excited "Hello" I am not greeted with a friendly voice, but the classic "Hello sir, my name is ... Malcolm... and I am calling from whatevercompanyitistoday. How are you today, Sir?".

I assume they normally follow this with "Sir? Sir? Are you still there, Sir?". I don't know for sure though, as I've hung up by this point. Oh good grief I hate sales calls. Now I must admit, I have done them before *waits for the booing* but it was raising charity money so it was ok, right? It is a soul-destroying job, hence why I won't be rude to them (they are people too, just doing their job) but I will have fun with them. I will sometimes tell them they've called a murder scene, and tell them they're a key witness and must stay on the line or they risk arrest. Others, I will try and fit in as many random words into a conversation as possible, and to be honest, it's a challenge trying to shoehorn the work "Aardvark" or the phrase "two Camels in a tiny car" into a sentence, but I'm the kinda guy who loves a challenge. I will tell them my name is Michael Esterol or Scott Shaun DeRocks (read them again if you don't get it) and that they're my new best friend, followed by many invites to romantic dinners for two. See, who says life is all boring.

However, this doesn't detract from the fact that I HATE being blatantly sold to. Who does? We're not stupid, hence why only one in fifteen million spam emails get any sort of worthwhile response (I'd love to meet that one person though). Who will honestly sit up at 2am to watch an infomercial about a new body-toning machine that apparently super-toned Gym-addicts use? Not me. I will, however, go on YouTube and watch a company called BlendTec put all manner of things into a blender, like iPhones or a can of SqueezeeCheeze or Bic Lighters. This is fun. This is also, however, the right way to sell: doing something educational or fun that puts a product or service in a good light.

So therefore when I drag my tired self out of bed at what-did-you-say-the-time-was o'clock for a networking meeting, I do NOT want to sit there like the most bored lemon in the world being directly sold to. No Mr Person, I will not be buying your glow-in-the-dark business cards or other nonsense you have. I just want my breakfast, to talk to people and go. Seriously, nothing annoys the tired (or freshly showered) more than a direct sales pitch.

I want you to think about this very carefully. When you next go to a meeting like this and get the 20 minutes or so presentation, DO NOT DIRECTLY SELL! Do, however, take what you do and make it fun! If it's a product, use it in a way that falls under the category of "hilarious". Ok, not all of you sell blenders, but if the unique selling point of your product is durability, then show a ludicrous example of how durable it is: will it resist an hour of listening to drum 'n' bass music? I know I wouldn't!

At Ultimedia Towers, I love coming up with ideas to "sell" in a fun way. Even the very simple is entertaining or informative. Something as simple as taking a volunteer from the audience and making up a press release from scratch, there and then, and giving it to them to use, will get people going "wow". We do the same for our clients as well! I don't want to give too much away, but one of my more fun ideas involves paint, a car, a lot of tape and YouTube! I'll keep you posted.

So remember, make it fun! Make it amazing and educational. DON'T just pitch like a board meeting, or I will fall asleep and snore, very loudly, just to make the point. Then I will buy none of your stuff out of spite and go blow something up for fun.

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