Why is "normal" so rare, when that's what we want to be?

So a few years ago, Marks & Spencer made an advert. This advert consisted of a woman running up a hill, taking all her clothes off as she did so, then standing on a box as she screamed "I'm normal!". The idea was that it would show her as a size 16, and that this is the average size in the UK. Apparently, it would stop people thinking they needed to be able to hide behind a pencil to be considered normal size, and that if you've got a stomach that keeps on turning even when you've stopped, then you're in the majority. An admirable goal, I agree. However, a pointless one, as the advert was a massive flop, and it was pulled pretty sharpish after it was launched. But why was this?

Well, let's be honest about it. The fact that size 16 is the average is irrelevant. £24,000 (or there abouts) is the average UK salary, but that doesn't stop me wanting to earn that much an hour. They seemingly forgot the fact that just because a lot of people are in this category, that a lot of people want to be in that category, or are happy there. Silly M&S! Silly silly M&S. You forgot to do the basic thing in advertising: sell an ideal to the public. We don't want to be happy with ourselves, we want to be perfect in every way. We want to have a six-pack all the time while going out drinking every weekend and having a takeaway every time there's a day in the week. We want to have a perfect body straight after childbirth. Who cares about such silly concepts as "not really possible" or "no, that's unhealthy, stop it", we want perfection that takes time and effort, and we want it now while we're sitting down watching EastEnders.

This is why I get annoyed at glossy magazines that have short, snappy, one-syllable names. They'll have a campaign one week about how people need a better body image, and on the next page a massive paparazzi-sourced photo of a celeb on a beach somewhere with the worlds smallest bulge of waist coming over their jeans, and then pronounce said celeb to be so fat, you need to stay at least 10 feet away lest you become permanently trapped in their gravitational pull. I find all this somewhat ironic. People of both sexes put themselves through so much hassle and faff. They go to the gym every night, they only eat foods that are consistent with whatever fad diet is in that hour, they update their wardrobe depending on what "season" they've been told it is. They will go without food for a few days to afford the "latest" bag designed by someone with a name that's unpronounceable, because some famous person had one. It's all daft, we all know it's daft, yet when an advert tries to suggest that it is daft, no one pays any attention. I hate using the term "silent majority", but I think it's pretty apt here. But the best thing is, however, that they're not doing it for themselves. They're doing it for other people!

Let's be honest, we only do it so that we impress other people. If I have a day where I spend all my time indoors, I won't do my hair perfectly and wear co-ordinating clothes. You'll be lucky if I get out of my PJ's. But when others see us, then it's all show. This goes to an interesting conclusion: what are people really like when they're on their own. I doubt very much if people really tell others, even their best friends, what they do when they're on their own. Let's think about it, shall we? How many people would happily launch a major excavation project into their nostrils when in front of the TV alone, or in the car? You know it's probably a fair few people. In fact, you can guarantee it's probably about a third of the people you know. The real puzzler is, who of the people you know are the nose-pickers? On a similar note, who out of everyone you know would be the kind of person who would happily eat a banana and pickle sandwich every day, but won't tell you because they know that it's considered gross? Out of all the guys you know, there's probably one who is quite comfy sitting around all day in a nightie, and it's probably the person you least expect. That person you see in the office that never ever smiles, ever? He's probably the happiest person in the room. He just doesn't feel the need to put on a fake-feeling outer show of that contentment. Why should he?

So don't bother going to look for "normal". In reality, there's no such thing. Just a lot of interesting weird people who have become adept at pretending to be everyone else.

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