Short-cuts; A Lot Longer Than You'd Like To Think.

So the other week, Denmark decided that it was time for another round of taxes. They sat down, I presume, and decided that it was boring to go for things like income and beer and daffodils. Instead, they looked out the window and saw McDonald's, and struck an idea: they would tax fatty foods! That's right, they were going to cut down obesity and make the populous far healthier by charging them a few coins on a Big Mac. Because that's the solution, isn't it. Apparently, this will turn the country into lean & fit individuals, it will save the Mexican Fruit Bat and stop the third run of the Rapture, which was apparently rescheduled to this month. It will consist of a surcharge on any food that contains more than 2.3% saturated fat, which is the real bad boy on the colourful circle you get on food packaging. How bad? Well, it gossips about you to all the other food when your back is turned. That mean! Anywhoo, this is all totally meaningless, partially because it doesn't say 2.3% of what? 100g? The whole cake? All the food in the drive-thru? This is kind of important information, because if it's per item, that's nearly all foods excluding a bottle of water, and possibly some fresh air. Not really convinced by this one, I'll be honest!

It misses the fact that it's fine for people to eat rubbish occasionally. Once in a while, I'll get bored with trying to remember where the Wok lives and order a Zinger Meal. It's a treat that I appreciate is once in a while, and is a good accompaniment to having friends in the car with you, sort of like a toned down version of a dinner party. In a car. With a few sachets of Ketchup that always seems to be just short of what you need. Sometimes, even the best slap-up meal designed by the most fluffy-haired of TV chefs isn't enough to fill that fast food-sized hole in your appetite. It misses the fact that people will always eat rubbish if it's available. It also misses the fact that people aren't going to go off a bargain bucket because it's suddenly a fraction more expensive. People don't eat rubbish because it's cheap (it really isn't, you try feeding 4 people on McMeals) but because it's easier to pay a bored student to throw an assorted cow patty into some bread and call it dinner. It's a short-cut to doing something properly. Unfortunately, so is this idea of taxing our way to a nice healthy salad-&-cous-cous country.

I mention this because the other day, I decided to break a vow of a lifetime and watch The Only Way Is Essex. I've so far avoided watching this, mostly thanks to the fact that TV reception is so bad where I live that I barely scrape a couple of hours of TV a week, and when I do I find the reception varies depending on where and how I am sitting, which is nice. This makes life somewhat interesting when someone asks you "OMG did you watch soandso on thingamyshow the other day". So, I fired up Youtube and sat there for what felt like an agonising eternity as I observed what could have passed for a bunch of five year-olds discuss such witty topics as a belief that the capital of India is Pakistan. Just when I thought I'd free myself of this, I saw Big Brother inmate Chantelle declare that she doesn't care that she doesn't know what the capital of Rome is. Err... R? These are the kind of people that I wouldn't trust to pour a glass of water without burning it, and I'm genuinely amazed that they've survived to this point in their lives. However, instead of being used as an example of why you should really study at school, they're celebrities and have a disproportionately large number of fans. They're also now well-paid, because apparently putting their face on a product will make people actually buy it? Sorry, what?

The idea that someone can become famous, wealthy and successful because they were the daft one on some pokey reality TV show is somewhat bonkers, yet it's seen as the route to fame! Well I can tell you something with complete honesty: it isn't! No, seriously, it's a much of a likely route to succeeding as including a lott-tree win is on your career path. You'll end up doing all sorts of things that you probably don't want your family to find out about (remember how Paris Hilton became famous) and then you'll be ridiculed and dumped by the Media, who would have found another person to idolise, rinse and dump next to you. Sorry, everyone, but the only real route to success is hard work, study, dedication and determination. You stand an infinitely greater chance of getting what you want with these than you ever will by using fake tan and a dodgy video recording. And even if you do succeed, do you really want to be remembered for being such a massive idiot?

Shortcuts haven't ever worked, regardless as to how popular and quick they may seem. Thing is, they might not be a long-term solution, but they are fun right now. Says I. As I get ready to eat the biggest KFC you've ever seen!

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