The brain-dead are in my way... again!

As much as I would rather crawl to a far away place than take the bus, driving does become somewhat annoying at times, don't you think? It's always the stupid little things that get you. For example, my car tells me for miles and miles that it's got loads of fuel and can go for ever and ever, seemingly. Then, all of a sudden, it starts crying and demanding to be fed. "But I'm hungry", it cries with a beep and a flash of the little picture of the fuel pump, "feed me now", like a small child. My pleading with it to shut up and wait a minute are clearly ignored, because it still screams. "But I'm really hungry, and I'm gonna totally die if you don't give me food. Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!".

Things like this can be overcome easily, it's the things I can't fix that really get me. Do you know what I love, especially at stupid o'clock in the morning? It's driving somewhere, only to be stuck behind someone driving so slowly, that sensitive measuring equipment is required to ascertain if any movement is actually happening. Good god it winds me up! They drive along, being steadily overtaken by continental drift, with that stupid look on their face that tells us all that the only thing that's going through their mind is the Magic Roundabout theme tune. I'd like to also point out that these people are different from They (as previously mentioned, check the link to learn more), as they're not co-ordinating their efforts to frustrate you; such a move would require something called "thinking". So now, I've started looking at ways to counter these people, and have some interesting ideas.

First, I watched Speed and thought "heeeeyyyy...". I mean, if they want to drive slowly, then they're welcome to... right until their car explodes. However, this is not a great idea, as "They" will merely hold you up, safe in the knowledge that you're going to become toasty very soon, so maybe not this. I then thought that we could attach remote controls to their cars. That way, repeat offenders could be identified and driven, at high speed, to wherever they're going. That way, it'll scare them so much that they'll never want to get into a car again. Although it'll probably be built in the UK, meaning it'll be about as effective as the new Olympic clock. I suspect nothing would happen, although I would like to see these people identified and their bus-passes be made obligatory rather than a nice free option. A sort of "get the hint" thing.

I've not yet made up my mind if these are the same people who like to park their cars..... anywhere they liked. You've all been there: there's a massive queue for no reason, and when you get to the front, it's because someone has decided that they want to stop and stare into space. They must be completely oblivious to the carnage behind them, as I refuse to believe that anyone would willingly sit there without a care in the world, totally aware that they're making everyone in the queue think of new and ingenious ways to kill them. I believe they are the same people as the aforementioned slow drivers, as they also have that Magic-Roundabout-tune look on their faces.

And, as if by magic, I've spotted a pattern here! It's not "bad" drivers doing this; we're all "bad drivers" sometimes and have done some stupid moves that makes us slap our foreheads and say "what was I thinking?". No, it's stupid people. Idiots who could only be summed up as a corn on the foot of life. Therefore, my final proposal (and the one I'd most want to see implemented) is an intelligence test. It won't be a maths problem, oh no. It'll start with a picture of Jim Davidson. Anyone who describes him as "funny" should be passed for further testing (and not just in the driving sense). Once this is done, a brain-scan will commence. Those with a brain in their heads will be allowed to drive, those with a small sign saying "space to rent" will have their licence withdrawn immediately and only allowed to travel out on public transport.

That way, when my car starts whinging at me again about being hungry, I won't have to worry about some moron holding me up as I go to the petrol station to shut it up.

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