My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding? I'd Rather Spend The Money On Me, Ta!

As we slide merrily through February and March, we seem to have entered the other part of the year where everyone's birthdays seem to congregate. Seriously, everyone seems to have a birthday either in November or in February/March (myself included). It just makes for a headache planning everything around it; I can get a thoughtful present and a lovely card for all, but if I miss just one person, then the grief I get is colossal! Still, it does at least let me cram in as many parties into the shortest space of time as possible.

However, and this is a big however...

This may amaze you, but I'll say it anyway: I don't particularly care a huge amount for fancy dress parties. This is mostly because the majority that I've been to seem to have been designed with 10 year olds in mind, but also because it becomes a competition with no real winner. You could find an outfit that's truly amazing, but 10 minutes after you arrive, you realise your get-up is too big and cumbersome to let you enjoy yourself. You could get around this by wearing a suit and claiming that you're James Bond, but unless you've brought a gun, you'll simply look like a guy in a suit. Or the bouncer. You can't just have a minimalist get-up and enjoy the night, because there's always that one person in the banana suit who tuts at your lack of effort.


No, I'd prefer to party without the need to compete with everyone to look like I've just strolled out of a sci-fi convention. I'd rather actually have fun, personally. I will go to them, however, and I will wear some kind of themed get-up as the one thing that annoys me about fancy dress parties more than having to find a silly outfit, is that one guy who just turned up in a shirt & tie. How boring! If you're forced to attend one, why would you make it worse for yourself by being "that" guy who sits in the corner, on his own, desperately trying to make conversation with anyone silly enough to walk within three metres of him. Just don't go to the other extreme of turning up in a costume that cost you many squillions of pounds to hire. You'll look like an onanist and you'll only get wine down it.

This concept of having to out-do everyone seems to be everywhere, not just fancy-dress parties. Take weddings for example. The average cost of one seems to range between £15,000 and £22,000. Why! Why would you pay that sort of money, and what on? Surely the dress doesn't cost this much? Or a car? Or food? Or flowers? Apparently putting the "W" word on anything bumps the cost up to a crazy level. But why does this happen? Anyone who saw Katie Price's wedding to Peter Andre, or has seen the recent run of "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding" will get what I mean. I suspect this is the guy in me talking here, as weddings are not really for our gender. This is why they appear to organise themselves when you're a guy; you are merely aware that one is needed at some stage, then suddenly you get told to arrive at some location at this time wearing that suit, ideally sober. We tend to look at £22,000 and see not a fancy wedding with silk draped over the chairs and 3 cakes arranged in a 3D fashion, but money that could happily buy a nice new car, or £21,500 spent on an amazing honeymoon. Not romantic, granted, but true.

However, ladies, instead of dismissing such a suggestion, why not embrace it and simply ignore the whole wedding-splashout, instead taking a once-in-a-lifetime holiday? £20,000 will buy you pretty much anything you want, anywhere you want in anything you want. Plus, if you're flying 1st Class to New Zealand or Vegas, you don't have to worry about middle-aged drunk relatives chatting up your bridesmaid.

* image photostock

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