We Don't Beat Nature, We Just Argue Over pointless Stuff Instead.

        Last week, over here in the UK we experienced about seven days of weather that a Canadian would call "whimpy". We experienced a grand total (where I live) of maybe three or four inches of crunchy snow, and this was sufficient to make everyone give up and cower in fear under their duvets. Ever wonder why schools close whenever it snows more than 3.5mm? It's not to do with "safety", it's either because so many people have called a snow-day that they can't open or something mechanical and water-based has had the same idea. Kind of makes me wonder how they get on in places with real snowfalls, like this one. That's two feet of snow, right there! What about this here? Just over two feet of snow in just over a day. This isn't even in the far reaches of Siberia, this is in Maryland, USA! I'm reasonably convinced they don't shut down the state and declare rule of the jungle until they can plow their way through it, and yet we go into a mild panic as soon as the first flake hits the ground, normally only ending up with the same effect you get when you sieve icing sugar over a Victoria Sponge: it looks pretty, but is hardly noticeable. What about countries where they have "real" weather, like Kansas where summer consists of baking heat, sudden downpours and lack of humidity. Oh, and freaking huge tornadoes that blow through occasionally. Or Siberia, say. They get the joy of an average winter temperature of -20c! In fact, northern Siberia is so cold, the soil is permanently frozen, which must be utterly hilarious if you're a grave-digger. Or Alan Titchmarsh.

Read more...

Super-powers or a super essay. It's all in the mind, so use it!

Have you ever daydreamed about how truly fantastic it would be if you could fly? I have! I mean, that horrid morning commute would be replaced with a speedy flight with a fantastic view. No longer will I deal with the frustration of Mr Bad-driver, who thinks that obeying rules of the road is just something that happens to everyone else. Instead, the only frustration you'd have is the occasional greenfly in the face. DIY would be a doddle. A stair lift in my old age? No need, thanks. The opportunities for a spectacular practical joke multiply ten-fold! Anyone else think about this? Just me? Ok then.

Read more...