Woody Harrelson Learns About Reddit The Hard Way.

        Once upon a time, there was a thing called a "laptop". However, this "laptop" was merely shorthand for "laptop tray" and it was used to stop your dinner and your sofa becoming one while you watched the Generation Game. Back then, there was such a thing as the Internet, but it was rarely used as "I browse the internet" translated from Computer-speak to English as "I'm going to die a virgin, aren't I". This is a crazy idea to me, you see. The idea of someone working an office-y job without the Internet blows my mind! I mean, I would never get anything done at all if I had to, say, organise a meeting with people by ringing each and every one of them to confirm? I just want to type "meeting at 11. Biscuits available" and be done with it, thus leaving me with more time to think about important matters, like do Pigeons get dis-orientated by the way they wobble their heads while they walk, or why I always seem to wake up 10 minutes before my alarm, like my brain has a pocket-watch or something. Whatever, the lack of Internet is crazy enough, but I really can't get around the idea of lack of computer! I mean, I can't even imagine doing anything if all I had in front of me was a typewriter, and a biro. What can you do with that, besides maybe put on one of those hats with a cardboard "PRESS" thingy in it and pretend to be a 1920's journalist while saying, in gangster-voice "what a scoop, scheee".

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There Are Better Ways To Get Famous Than Big Brother.

After literally a whole night's thought at the pub, I've decided that I don't really want to be a "celebrity". By that, I don't mean someone like Sir Alan Sugar or one of the suited folk from Dragon's Den. They're successful in their own right, and just happen to be well-known due to some pokey show on BBC2. I don't even mean Phillip Scofield famous, where your job is to sit in front of a camera and chat to Jamie Oliver about his latest tomato. No, I mean the ones who are famous and well-paid, yet for the life of me I can't quite work out what it is they do: the "professional Celebrity". Chantelle, for example, turned up on Big Brother presumably for a joke. No-one in the house knew what she did, but she seemed to have the reading age of a chinchilla and the vocabulary of a teaspoon, so they assumed she must be a rich socialite at least... and that's it! That's all she's really done. Yet if she got married again, Hello would be tripping over themselves to be at the do, taking arty shots.

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