I Don't Watch Too Little TV, I Watch The Best TV. There's Difference...

If I stood up and announced that I was planning on selling my shins for medical research, I'd probably not get a strange look. Instead, people would probably point out that without shins, I should now be called Tony (toe-knee, get it? I'm here all week, try the beef). If I decided that I would now sell all my worldly possessions, set up in a tent and wear nothing but shoes on my ears, I'd barely get so much as a raised eye-brow. Even if I went so far as to declare that I will dive into the sea with a Great White Shark because I thought he wanted a hug, then you'd probably come up with a reason or two to agree with me. However if I tell people that at most I watch probably two or three hours of TV a week, they stand there gawping at me, their jaw sitting on the pavement three feet away from them, while they wonder if I've injected an extra strong dose of stupid. I might as well have said that 1+1= a jam sandwich, the reaction would probably have been better. But, honestly, I watch so little television simply because I am too busy doing other things, like working, studying and maybe using the screen to work my Xbox. If I do watch it, it's normally to watch one of the endless Top Gear re-runs on Dave, new Top Gear when it comes on, and sometimes Come Dine With Me.

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Spending So Much Time On Other People's Fun, You Forget Your Own!

The other day, I made the choice that unless it was going to be for a very good reason, I would not bother organising a party again. There are very few jobs that are as thankless as organising a shindig for people, whether it's a birthday bash, a corporate do or a wedding knees-up. Especially the last one, since the one thing that sticks out like a sore poke in the eye is politics. Since when did politics become a factor in a wedding? Sure, you want to invite a mate along, but that will mean that this person will be upset with you, or if you invite your fifth cousin because she's great fun, you are somehow obliged to invite every member of your family, regardless of the fact that you have no idea who they are or that they haven't seen you since the concept of you taking your first steps was discussed in the future tense. Why? It's my party. Don't like it? Diddums. Even my Mum fell foul of this logic recently, by suggesting I needed to invite her cousin. I don't even know who that is! If you make a rule of "No under 18's", then you instantly become a Commie Nazi relative hater. At least with a corporate do, you're doing it to please your clients!

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Why The Phone Hacking Nonsense Is Worse than Most Of Us Think.

The UK has so many laws on its books, that it does make good reading. This is because with more than 1,200 years of history behind us, we've had a few stragglers on the books and not enough spare time to go through them and say "do you know what, I don't think we need to continue outlawing Christmas Pudding on Christmas". However it does lead to some fun reading. Just found out that you have the Plague, and want to grab a taxi to go to the hospital? Well think again, Mr Sneezy. It's incredibly illegal to hail a cab in London with the illness. I know, right! Ever recorded something off the telly and watched it more than once? Well, for that second recorded viewing of Countryfile or My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, you need to obtain (and I quote) "explicit written permission" from both the broadcaster and from the production company.

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Why is "normal" so rare, when that's what we want to be?

So a few years ago, Marks & Spencer made an advert. This advert consisted of a woman running up a hill, taking all her clothes off as she did so, then standing on a box as she screamed "I'm normal!". The idea was that it would show her as a size 16, and that this is the average size in the UK. Apparently, it would stop people thinking they needed to be able to hide behind a pencil to be considered normal size, and that if you've got a stomach that keeps on turning even when you've stopped, then you're in the majority. An admirable goal, I agree. However, a pointless one, as the advert was a massive flop, and it was pulled pretty sharpish after it was launched. But why was this?

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My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding? I'd Rather Spend The Money On Me, Ta!

As we slide merrily through February and March, we seem to have entered the other part of the year where everyone's birthdays seem to congregate. Seriously, everyone seems to have a birthday either in November or in February/March (myself included). It just makes for a headache planning everything around it; I can get a thoughtful present and a lovely card for all, but if I miss just one person, then the grief I get is colossal! Still, it does at least let me cram in as many parties into the shortest space of time as possible.

However, and this is a big however...

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