Yes, It's Nice, But Do You Really Need All Of It?

Normally, when I have "time off" from something, it's a nice relaxing affair. That sporadic double bank holiday in Spring, for example, consists mostly of me sleeping. Then, when I've dragged myself out of bed at a time closer to when I'd get back from work than when I'd leave for work, I'll sit there and make lots of interesting plans, ranging from finding some cold sausages to how to carve an evil lair out of a volcano without (a) dying or (b) anybody noticing. They're relaxing times, full of dressing gowns, eating beans from a tin without a single care and pretending I'm a multi-squillionaire and going through RightMove/AutoTrader and finding my dream house/car. However when it comes to Christmas, I get more time off than any other time in the year, yet I need a holiday to recover from it! Seriously, Having spent two weeks moving house (which, without a van, was a very busy time indeed) I then ran full-pelt into the fun of Christmas shopping, followed by a bigger national tour than U2. Seriously, I've had to go and see my Mum, my Dad, my Grandparents, my Aunts, Mrs Max's Mum, Mrs Max's Dad, Mrs Max's Sisters and the Hanging Gardens of Babylon. Or so it feels. New year's eve-eve will be the only day where I have literally nothing planned, and I intend to keep it that way.

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Enjoy Christmas, And All The Stresses It Brings.

T'was the night before (the night before the night before) Christmas, and all across the land, we hear the sound of many people, desperately running up and down the shops looking for something for Great-uncle Geoff, ideally fishing related. Yes, we're finally (almost) here! Christmas is just around the corner, bringing with it a combination of calamities, coupled with cantankerous crones queueing to correctly order copious quantities of codswallop for their kids. After the great Pre-Christmas Salary Massacre, we have lots of lovely family lingering longingly while looking lovingly at your long-cooked Christmas Lunch, long carrots and less-popular lima beans, while lately you lack the longevity to let the lateness of the food lower your lust for life! If that didn't wake you up, then there's no hope for any of us. The Christmas parties have come and gone (where you totally didn't get really drunk, and then forget to wipe the icing off your mouth from all that cake that you totally didn't eat), and some sort of office "Secret Santa" ordeal has been dispensed with. Unless, you only work in an office with two people, that kind of takes some of the fun out of it. Now, onto the important part of the whole shebang!

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Why Presents Are Not Always Worth The Price You Pay.

Once upon a time, many thousands of years ago, I used to work for a well known clothing & homeware chain on the shop floor. This was my first "grown-up" job and, me being me, I did my level best to show off just how truly awesome I was. As soon as someone working full-time handed in their notice, I marched into the Manager's office and told them I'd like to replace them, figuring that it would be the perfect opportunity to go from a part-time dog's body to a full-time person. It worked, and I was put in charge of a whole department, over which I declared myself Imperial Department Overlord. As the Overlord, I made it my Divine mission to make it the best gosh-darn department ever in the history of departments. Again, it worked and, despite having arguments with management who seemed to think that employment laws were mere urban legends, I was very proud of my work. I even made my department the most productive of that kind of department in the region; That's how cool I was!

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