It May Be Interesting, But It Doesn't Help With A Mortgage.

        For the majority of the country, school is, as discussed in 80's prog rock, out for summer. This means for countless parents around the country that they had better have arranged some form of supervision for their spawn; normally in the guise of relatives, summer camps, or just plain "working from home". Unless they work in Tesco's, in which case it's a bit of a runaround to take someone's weekly shop home to scan. For those without offspring, the only reminder about this fact is that the roads always seem strangely clear on the commute. This is something I've always found really strange; I've always understood rush-hour to be the time when everyone is heading into work at the same time, hence why 8am-9am and 5pm-6pm feels like the production line of a sardine factory. The fact that the morning commute on a bank holiday feels like a leisurely Saturday afternoon drive (in a suit, with a slight headache) shows just how many people clogging up the A1 in the morning aren't on their way to work, but are on their way to drop their litter off to learn the various skills to enable them to work, and thus further clog up the roads.

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Zero Tolerance: The Cause Of, And Solution To, All Our Problems.

        Good news, everybody! Currently, you have the lowest chance of being a victim of crime since 1980! Despite promises that by 6:45pm we'd all have been happy-slapped four times, it seems that it is genuinely safer to walk down the streets today than when The Empire Strikes Back and PacMan were released. This is interesting, mostly because I'm sure if you asked the public if they thought this was the case, the answer would be a resounding "no". Possibly followed by, I imagine, "who are you", and "what are you doing in my back garden". Now, this is interesting. There's a massive difference between actual real "crime", and the not-necessarily-real "fear of crime". I will avoid pinning the blame this week on the Daily Mail and their headlines of "OHMYGODWEAREALLGOINGTODIE", but this leaves me with nothing to blame it on. So, I will just reiterate the point. You are less likely to be a victim of crime now than you were when AC/DC's Back In Black was released, 32 years ago. And in the same breath, I've made some people feel just that little bit older.

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