New Year... Now, To Get Rid Of The Holiday Rubbish.

So, I had an eventful Christmas. Having completed the national tour of the family, I've been through enough Christmas wrapping to save the world from at least three Geoffrey Archer novels' worth of paper, I've eaten enough food to declare me legally dead, and I've enjoyed a few nice days of feet-up before getting back into the swing of real life. I've already scrawled into my calendar the next few interesting events; namely my birthday in March (hint hint) and Summer!

Inevitably, as I'm sure you have, I've had some presents that brings out the actor in us all. "oh", you say, "it's... lovely" while trying to give the illusion that you really really like them, when really what you're thinking is "present-buying fail". You can normally identify this kind of toot because it only goes on sale in November, and is designed for people to buy so that they can cross Uncle Dave off the list. You know: singing ties, electric games that are played for no more than 10 minutes, anything where the name is preceeded by the word "novelty" etc. I know I've said it before, but I cannot abide these kind of presents; all they tell me is that the person put precisely zero thought into them, however, we all receive them.

So, I thought I'd come to the rescue. What shall we do with them all?

well first of all, I'll skip the obvious answer of just chucking it away. This is as boring as the original present. You could donate it to the starving children of Mr Ngobo in Uganda, but I suspect these presents are so awful, they'll send you a reply letter that merely reads "it's...uh...lovely". You could give them to a charity shop, but since nobody likes to actually buy this rubbish for themselves, I suspect they'll turn them away and will hit you round the head for being the 125,748th person to bother them that day with their crappy presents. You could put them all on one big bonfire, but I suspect that they are of such low quality, the blast will take out most of the mainland UK.

Or, quite simply, we can post them all back to the manufacturers, with the envelope saying "recipient will pay postage" and a note inside demanding they stop making such garbage in the first place, and stick to normal ties that DON'T sing.

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