Get the world into perspective. Trust me, it's a big place.

Here's something that makes me go all weird for a few minutes if I think about it: the Earth's crust is only 70km thick at it's largest point, and something like 5-10km thick at the lowest points of the ocean bed. below that is 2,200km of mantle. Have you ever seen lava flow from a volcano? That stuff is magma. This swirls round at stupidly hot temperatures at very high pressure, and moves the earths crust around. Want to know what causes things like earthquakes and grounds your flight to Iceland? That'll be the mantle. below that is the core. This is mostly iron and is more dense than your average Big Brother contestant. it's constant moving causes the magnetic field that helps you find your way. It is unimaginably hot, and the whole shebang goes down a total of 6,500km, which is about the distance from England to Uganda. Wowzers!

Now, look at the ground. All that is going on right under your feet, right now!

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Why is "normal" so rare, when that's what we want to be?

So a few years ago, Marks & Spencer made an advert. This advert consisted of a woman running up a hill, taking all her clothes off as she did so, then standing on a box as she screamed "I'm normal!". The idea was that it would show her as a size 16, and that this is the average size in the UK. Apparently, it would stop people thinking they needed to be able to hide behind a pencil to be considered normal size, and that if you've got a stomach that keeps on turning even when you've stopped, then you're in the majority. An admirable goal, I agree. However, a pointless one, as the advert was a massive flop, and it was pulled pretty sharpish after it was launched. But why was this?

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New Year... Now, To Get Rid Of The Holiday Rubbish.

So, I had an eventful Christmas. Having completed the national tour of the family, I've been through enough Christmas wrapping to save the world from at least three Geoffrey Archer novels' worth of paper, I've eaten enough food to declare me legally dead, and I've enjoyed a few nice days of feet-up before getting back into the swing of real life. I've already scrawled into my calendar the next few interesting events; namely my birthday in March (hint hint) and Summer!

Inevitably, as I'm sure you have, I've had some presents that brings out the actor in us all. "oh", you say, "it's... lovely" while trying to give the illusion that you really really like them, when really what you're thinking is "present-buying fail". You can normally identify this kind of toot because it only goes on sale in November, and is designed for people to buy so that they can cross Uncle Dave off the list. You know: singing ties, electric games that are played for no more than 10 minutes, anything where the name is preceeded by the word "novelty" etc. I know I've said it before, but I cannot abide these kind of presents; all they tell me is that the person put precisely zero thought into them, however, we all receive them.

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The Future Is Here..... Apparently.

Who out there has a "smart phone"? You know, the kind that lets you check Facebook, watch Germans fall over on Youtube and generally waste time browsing the web, all on a phone that has a battery life of about 34 seconds?

Now, who has the Internet? Well, all of you obviously, otherwise how are you reading this? Maybe on a "smart phone". I love all this technological shenanigans personally. I get unbearably excited over new gadgets that do all manner of non-essential yet interesting stuff. I'm sure most of you also use Facebook (Ultimedia does) and I'm sure a fair number of you use Twitter (again, Ultimedia does).

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Well it's results season again!

Firstly, and rather belatedly, I would like to say a massive well done to all those students who whooped for joy upon receiving their A-Level or GCSE results over the past few weeks. I appreciate that, being a few weeks ago that it has already sunk in, and the roaring hangover following the celebratory night out is a hazy memory (rather like the night itself), but I prefer my congratulations to be late than never.

This is an interesting viewpoint, I feel. I am in no way what I would call "old" (I'll avoid quantifying what I call "old" as I'd prefer not to be heckled) but as we climb the winding ladder of age, we tend to become very annoyingly sceptical. As we all know, those young 'uns who got good grades clearly only got them because exams have been getting easier. I mean, they can't have been studying hard as we've all seen them with our very own bespeckled eyes robbing grannies and stealing houses while high on cats, or whatever new drug will end the world this week. Well, I say "seen", I mean "read in the Daily Mail". But it's the same thing, right?

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