Stop being so grumpy. It could be worse. For example...

I do love mornings! Not the "getting-up" part, or the "few-grumpy-minutes-before-the-kettle-boils" part obviously, but after then, when I'm wide awake and can find the mental capacity to laugh at everything and everyone. I try not to get annoyed in the morning, especially if I have to commute somewhere. This is for a very good reason, you see. I see every morning the same people getting very and hilariously wound up behind the wheel of their car in the jams. I can even see them shouting abuse at everything before them, which simply means I can insert my own amusing commentary to what they're saying, or give these complete strangers, who I see all the time, their own nicknames. Hey, some of those traffic jams are pretty long, I'll have you know! Anyway, I am always cheery on a long morning drive for a very good reason. I call them "They".

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New Year... Now, To Get Rid Of The Holiday Rubbish.

So, I had an eventful Christmas. Having completed the national tour of the family, I've been through enough Christmas wrapping to save the world from at least three Geoffrey Archer novels' worth of paper, I've eaten enough food to declare me legally dead, and I've enjoyed a few nice days of feet-up before getting back into the swing of real life. I've already scrawled into my calendar the next few interesting events; namely my birthday in March (hint hint) and Summer!

Inevitably, as I'm sure you have, I've had some presents that brings out the actor in us all. "oh", you say, "it's... lovely" while trying to give the illusion that you really really like them, when really what you're thinking is "present-buying fail". You can normally identify this kind of toot because it only goes on sale in November, and is designed for people to buy so that they can cross Uncle Dave off the list. You know: singing ties, electric games that are played for no more than 10 minutes, anything where the name is preceeded by the word "novelty" etc. I know I've said it before, but I cannot abide these kind of presents; all they tell me is that the person put precisely zero thought into them, however, we all receive them.

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Is a little bit of courtesy really too much to ask for?

Now I'm not one to whinge (HA!) but I like to look on the nicer side of things. Who among us complains about the drive into work? You're stuck in traffic while half-asleep, you didn't have time to eat breakfast, your traffic jam seems to be meeting yet another traffic jam and to top it off, you have noticed that the fact that you're baffled by the noises that come from Radio 1 these days indicates that age is slowly rearing it's head.

Be cheery! At least you're driving! In your car you can sing wildly out of tune, you can shout abuse at the silly man on the radio for his silly suggestions, you can launch a major excavation project in whichever nostril you choose, all in the comfort of your own space. You could be on the bus, for example, sitting on someone else's chewing gum, listening to children scream as loud as they can while the crazy lady sits and stares at your ears. Plus, you'll be really cold.

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Has someone seen the last ten months go past?

Good lord, it's November! When did that happen?

Does anyone else get that feeling that the year has crept past them while they weren't looking? I sure do, especially as everyone seems to enjoy saying "xx days until Christmas". Then again, I find myself saying "where did the year go?" every year, so I shouldn't be surprised, but still, one minute I'm basking in the beautiful summer sun and the next, it's that time of year when the fireworks sold for the 5th November are set off. Over a two week period, for no particular reason. at 2am every morning.

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Lost my wallet? I nearly lost my sanity!

Have you ever lost your wallet? Well, this morning, I can happily tell you from experience it falls into the category of a "ridiculously inconvenient". No, really, it is a complete pain in the backside. Not only have I got to organise the obligatory cancelling of all my cards and re-ordering my driving licence, but it's the little things that you normally do without a thought that are now off limits, such as buying food. I have an "Internet-only account", so I can't just pop into the branch to get my money.

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Lack of back-ups get my back up!

Ladies and Gentlemen... It has started!

I went to my car this morning and it was covered in frost for the first time this year. This is not a good thing; it signals that the real winter has started and it will be at least 3/4 of a year before it becomes warm to an acceptable level. It also means that I have at least a 25 minute wait when I get home before the radiators do their mighty work and warm the place up. It means that I will get home when it is night-time, it means that venturing outside involves putting on coats/hats/scarves/gloves which simply takes up too much of my time.

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Multiskill, or face the consequences!

Imagine this; I'm getting ready for a big night out, and want a fantastic shirt. I know loads about shirts and want to make sure that it makes me look fantastic. I go to many shops, I browse the internet, and I try on more shirts than I can remember. I settle on a fantastically designed, beautifully fitting number from a top designer, and it looks fab! Oh, I'm a happy bunny. So, the big night comes, with all the glitz and glam I have been dreaming of. The shirt comes out, gets ironed, and is put on. I go out with a big, confident grin, and the night turns out to be a massive spectacular failure. Why?

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Nudists on Roller Coaster, serial killer swan, and good Samaritan rescuing cat gets stuck up tree– it must be silly season!

School’s out, strawberries, and the wettest July on record – how pleasant to welcome the summer! As most people’s thoughts turn to getting away from it all on some tropical beach, most editors’ minds turn to “how do I fill this page?” It’s what's known in the trade as “Silly Season”. You’ll have seen evidence of it already on the radio, TV and in the papers. At what other time of year (except in the run up to Christmas) would the ups and downs of nudists hit the headlines?

So, before you get too demob happy, think about how you can benefit from this silly season and put yourself one step ahead of your competitors.

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