Smartasses Bore Us To Tears, But It Pays To Be One Sometimes!

If there’s one thing that winds me up, is those people who love to ruin a perfectly good film by explaining how the far-fetched plot line just couldn’t happen. I mean, that photon blaster would require more energy than a gazillion Hiroshima bombs and, like, really couldn’t fit into that handheld design, and that light sabre would totally not stop like three feet away from that handle. These people are so annoying, it makes you wonder how they have any friends to ruin stories with. I even heard one of these in a cinema while watching The Golden Compass (which, incidentally, was three hours of my life I’ll never get back). Near the end, when the giant bear snuck up on that Russian-looking bloke and turned the tide of the battle (don’t worry if you haven’t seen it, I’ve just saved you from an 8th of a day of utter brain-bleeding boredom), this guy, who sounded like every 80’s teen movie geek stereotype, said “well that wasn’t realistic, surely all those guys behind him would have seen it”. What, realistic like the idea of a giant talking freaking bear walking around and commanding armies?

There’s something about intelligence that I always admire. People who know lots about any particular subject because they studied hard. This normally means that they have landed some very impressive job building rockets, or working on photon blasters that can apparently never work. These silent geniuses are pretty cool people, but it’s the loud ones that annoy me. The ones who tell you about how some infinitely boring thing works in all it’s stupefyingly dull detail, just to demonstrate how much they know. You tell them about this new car you’ve got, and they’ll say “well, that comes with the latest super-boingy suspension. Did you know that it uses electromagnets to supercharge ionized particles of.... hello?”. Fact Nazis are the most boring of all the social groups that I can think of, and the worst part is, that they don’t restrict themselves to one section of society. They can be old or young, tall or short, a stamp collector or a normal person . The most ironic thing is that if you know someone who does this, it tends to make you avoid that subject like you’d avoid being stabbed. I like to learn new things, but in my own time. Not by someone who just cannot resist using all the "in" buzzwords or abbreviations just to show that he's that smart. 

The problem with these people is that when it's no longer very difficult things such as advanced rocket science or complex brain surgery or multi-tasking that's being discussed, but everyday and important things, it can cause some interesting problems for some people. The classic example of this is what is commonly known as the "Grammar-nazi". You know, the kind of people who practically have a stroke if you put the wrong your/you're in a sentence. You try and debate with these folks about any subject whatsoever, and all they say back is "err, you totally used a semi-colon and not a colon. Gawd, are you five or something". As much as txt spk annyz me, I don't mind twisting the sacred grammar laws when it's anything other than a formal letter, hence why some of my sentences start with the words "and" or "but", which really gets them frothing at the shins!


But having said that (see what I did there...), there are some occasions when being a complete grammar nutcase is the only way forward, and writing a CV is one of them. Many moons ago, I used to look through people's CVs to narrow them down for an interview. It's kind of difficult to contain my surprise when someone thinks it's truly sidesplittingly hilarious to answer the question "why do you want to work for this company?" with "For tha dolla". Really? Sorry, I can't find your CV among all the sweet wrappers in the bin. That's not all, people: there was the guy who (and I'm not making this up) put his employment history as "home-based entrepreneur" but then explained below this was that he sold various drugs from his house. Creative wording, yes, but not the sort of image we were after. Outside of those two gems, it really amazed me how many people just didn't bother to check if they'd written what was basically a sales pitch for themselves correctly. Most of the time you can ignore it, but when you need it, knowing how to write everything absolutely correctly is one of those things that you really should have listened to at school. It will honestly make the difference between a job or not. You send a formal letter while at work that looks like it was typed by someone who had just turned seven, and you'll see what people say about you. Seriously, learn it! It's far too important not to know.


But (see, I did it again...) once you have learned it, just don't go around making a big point of correcting everyone's letters just to show how much you do know. Trust me, It'll make you even more unpopular than a ham sandwich at a Bar Mitzvah.

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