Why Some People Will Believe Anything, Because "Someone" Told Them.

Last week, Mrs Max and I found ourselves in Tesco. Nothing out of the ordinary as, just like everyone else, our Sunday was filled with the urge to swing by the nearest zombie holding-pen that we call supermarkets to fill a trolley with some stuff that we might be able to combine into something resembling a meal, and most stuff we really fancy at that time. This is why it isn't a good idea for people to go food shopping when they're hungry as apparently, you will end up with a trolley-full of Smarties. At least, I would be. However I also wouldn't be, as there are only a tiny number of things that I refuse to try and get used to: taking a bus being high up the list, but one of them is weekend supermarket shopping. I can't stand any supermarket when they're busy; why does the weekend turn the shoppers into the living dead? I mean, if I have a trolley and I want to take my time deciding which brand of Wine Gums I can most easily convince Mrs Max are entirely suitable for a Shepherds Pie, I will dump my trolley out of everyone's way. This is because I'm not five years old and can tell that this will only serve to annoy everyone else. So when everyone else seems quite content with just abandoning theirs in the aisle, it starts to make me want to scream. So, to avoid the frustration, I am simply left near the entrance in the magazine aisle, which I have renamed "The Man Creche". I wait. I read Top Gear or whatever, and am collected once the milk and Tiger Bread have been bought.

However on this occasion, not two minutes after walking in and nearly being hit in the wrong place by those automatic swing-gates that seem to have no reason to exist, we heard over the Tannoy that they only had one day left on an offer for a new BlackBerry smartphone for £15 a month. Now, I ignored this mostly because a BlackBerry is the sort of thing that you own if you are prone to saying things like "blue-sky thinking" and "FYI". I know someone whose BlackBerry beeps every time they get an email, and he gets a lot of emails. Honestly, he sounds like he's hooked up to a heart monitor! If I were given one, I'd quickly be writing about how many times it can be thrown at the wall before you need to sweep it up rather than pick it up. Mrs Max, however, noticed that there was an option to have one in pink and before I knew it, I was in a world of discussing plans and minutes and cooling off periods. A Tannoy announcement and a colour scheme and we have a sale! Granted, I've got plans afoot for one of these "eye-fone" things. The GooseBerry might be cheaper, but can you launch a bird at some green pigs? Noooooo!



Thing is, she wanted a newer phone anyway, so this is fine. It's the everyday cases of people being very easily convinced that I do worry about. Anyone who uses Facebook can't help to notice that they've made a couple of changes. You probably spotted a few rants by people saying "I'm appalled that the free service that I'm in no way obliged to use keeps making changes that mildly inconvenience me". My favourite one, by a long shot, is the screaming one warning that Facebook is now going to be charging because of the changes. Not just that, but by the simple action of posting the warning on your account, they suddenly won't charge you at all. And it all must be true, I mean it's been on the "news" and everything! Oh dear, mankind, what's happened to you. I've asked these people why they believe it, and all they can say is they'd rather be safe than sorry. No no no no no, silly people. You apply this rule to wearing a seat belt or looking both ways before crossing the road or not punching a lion in the face, not Facebook. The idea that to think about what a daft suggestion this charging idea is, or to check their homepage to see it says "it's free, and always will be", is just too much effort and blows my mind. These people walk free.  They can even vote!  Scary stuff.



Facebook Users: Making you wonder

how they survived this long...

No doubt there's a money-making scheme in there somewhere. I just need to invent a problem, maybe the cancellation of "The Only Way Is Essex", claim that it's on the "news" (I don't need to say which news channel, they won't check) and provide a solution for "a small price". I'll be richer than a Double Chocolate Gateux! Then, I can buy my eye-fone, solve any potential money problems, and I can implant some

kind of tracker on whatever it is I can

convince them to buy, so we know where

these people walk.

And most importantly, I can then see when they're all at the supermarket and know when not to shop. You'll be able to tell when they're in there by the fact that they leave what looks like a trolley pile-up in the "reduced" aisle because they've spotted something shiny.

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