A Career: Not Quite What It Used To Be

        I've abseiled down the front of a building in Milton Keynes that looks like a giant shoe, I've pulled a loop-de-loop in a small plane for fun, and I've even bared the uncharted territory that is a hen do, but there are few things that bring up as much trepidation as a job interview. Seriously, there are few things that make me worry more than having to find the right suit, doing some utterly pointless research on the company about their operating history and their turnover that bears no relevance to anything you're going to do there, which will probably be the guy who gets shouted at by clients every time there's a day in the week. You've then got to spend many wasted hours sitting in front of the mirror, perfecting your "interview smile". It needs to be somewhere in between Elvis-lip and psychopathic grin but not obviously fake. You also need to make sure that you don't turn up late, as this sits next to punching the interviewer in the face and suggesting that his wife was a "goer" in terms of bad interview etiquette. If I could redesign the world then I'd make sure, right after I remove wasps for being the single most useless insect ever, that I would simply be given a job based on some other medium. If they could make a brilliant cup of tea, then I see no reason not to make them the Managing Director, for example.

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What To Really Not Ask An Interviewee For

        As much as I try, I really can't imagine a worse job to do than to be the guy who tests cat food. Yes, apparently, testing cat food is a thing. What it needs to be tested for is beyond me, but there are people in this country, working for cat food makers, who find themselves lying at every party they attend when that inevitable question is asked. I can't blame them though, I mean, can you really imagine trying to defend it by saying that at least the lunch is free and you can eat on the job? Also, how does someone get that job? Do they apply via an advert or do they try and get promoted to cat food taster? So many unanswered questions! Also, how do you know what cats like? They might want hint of mouse, or whatever the tassels on your dining room rug taste like. Either way, It must be tested, and someone's got to do it. It's the same problem you encounter when something goes wrong on a 1,700ft antenna station. Not at the base of the antenna, where it's all accessible and safe and completely non-vertigo inducing, oh no. Right at the top! Well, this happens. If you don't like heights, you'd better be sending off your CV to Go-Cat!

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