Do You Want To Be Rich? Work Out What It Means First.

Today, for the umpteenth time, I awoke to discover that I haven't transformed into a billionaire. After consoling myself, I did what I suspect everyone has done at some stage: thought about what I would buy if I awoke to find that, despite not having bought a lottery ticket, that I'd won countless squillions of pounds. First of all, I'd do what I've always wanted to do in public: attach a £50 note to a fishing-rod and watch people run down the road chasing it as I reel them in, laughing manically! Once I'd grown bored of mocking the public, I'd buy myself probably every ridiculous thing from Harrods because, hey, why not? I've already mentioned before that I wouldn't buy a private jet, mostly because I am simply too lazy to organise all the shenanigans that go with buying one, like a pilot or an aircraft hangar or fuel or Health & Safety. I've also mentioned that I wouldn't promise to make 20 friends and/or relatives millionaires, as there's absolutely no way I would be able to explain to the 21st person why they apparently weren't deserving of a penny. I wouldn't do what most winners end up doing, which is blowing the lot within a few years, like this girl.

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Your New House Comes With Everything, Except Everything You Need!

I've been thinking, and I've come to the conclusion that no doubt everyone else has: No matter how rich I was, I wouldn't buy a private jet. I mean, despite how cool it would be to say "darling, shall we take the Learjet to San Tropez tonight", it would be such an enormous hassle to look after the stupid thing. First, you need to hire a pilot, because you want to make full use of the expensive luxury seating option in the middle bit that you had to pick. You need to hire glamorous assistants, because no self respecting squillionaire gets his own drinks. You'd need to organise fuelling, and it might surprise you to find that you can't land in the nearest Shell, you have to get a whopping great tanker down before you go anywhere remotely hot or bikini-clad. You then need to maintain it, which requires about eleventeen weeks of fixing it for every seven feet it flies, you then have to insure it and make sure it's safe. And where does it live when it's not flying?

Or, I could just hire one when I need it. Then, I could spend more time being rich.

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